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Read from My Hemorrhoid

NEW! Sign in my guestbook. In the Comments, please write "Enter drawing."  That's it.  You will be entered in a drawing for 20 dollars every week until I get my sanity back.  You don't have to buy anything.  You don't have to do anything.  Of course, you can read, or buy, or sample these books. I will thank you profusely for it.  But it will not affect your chances of winning the prize. 

NEW! Buy it for your Amazon Kindle for only 99 cents!


Read a few pages from Cool Balls

Dear Reader,
Life is full of troubles, and global warming is no laughing matter.  But nobody can deny that sometimes a good laugh can be therapeutic.  Besides, for those of you who have wondered why there are so few books that unite the themes of (1) global warming, (2) poorly functioning spermatozoa, and (3) the cooling of scrotums - well, here you are... 
Cool Balls - Global Warming, Scrotal Heat and the Fate of Humankind: The Definitive Illustrated Guide

As the earth gets hotter, spermatozoa become dysfunctional. Spermatozoa need just the right temperature to work; turn up the heat a bit, and these progenitors of future generations don't do what they are supposed to do: to participate in baby production. This is where the famous scientist Dr. Giancarlo Fabrizi comes into the picture.  He invents a device called the Scrotal Fan, a tiny electrical structure designed to cool the Global Scrotum on an individual basis, which is to say that guys are supposed to wear it around the scrotum, causing a scrotal temperature drop, bringing dying spermatozoa back to life.  But then there is another modification to the Fan by an evil dermatologist, Dr. Myrna Ballantine, and things go downhill from there.  Men, under a state of constant scrotal stimulation, become fixated on their groins, leading to total chaos and rampant, unstoppable sexuality.  Centuries of civilization go into the toilet...just like that.  Now only a miracle can save the world.

Would you like to read a few pages of this book?  You can do so by clicking on the links above and below.  And, if you like what you read, you can  get a copy from, by clicking on the links on this page.  Or, if you prefer, you can go directly to (and type in "Cool Balls Global" in the search box).

NOW, THERE IS A CHANCE TO WIN 20 DOLLARS EVERY WEEK.  Sign in my guestbook on the left.  Sure, it's not much, but 20 dollars is more than zero dollars.  It's true!  I've checked.  Also, once you sign in,  I will keep you updated on all my projects, including the adventures of Placenta Man, a superhero with the uncanny ability to sniff out placentas.  Here is the link that will take you directly to Placenta Man:

This is the part where I encourage you to go ahead and give Cool Balls a try.  Read the free extract. Even better, read the free extract and then buy it from Amazon.  You will have my undying gratitude (not true - once dead, my ability to express gratitude will be markedly diminished.  But until that point, I will be truly grateful to you).      

Best wishes for a great (hopefully not too warm) future!